Sir,

I need to report to you what might be a case of acute poisoning while on mission on planet Terra.

Yesterday, in the course of my duty, I happened to hold very tight for a couple of minutes a human female (from now on HF). Today, as a consequence of this I developed disturbing symptoms. Repeatedly during the day, and for no apparent reason, my train of thought was brought back to holding the HF tight. Each time the memory occurred my body was overwhelmed by a powerful feeling reminiscent of the influence of a toxic substance. The feeling started as a swirling motion in the abdominal region that rapidly spread until it involved the whole body. The sensation is difficult to define as it feels simultaneously as a warmth and a glow and is accompanied by a great weakness of the body, so great sometimes that I felt ready to faint. My description may not convey that despite (or maybe because of?) the great weakness, the feeling is utterly pleasurable. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that the inhabitants of Terra have developed an addiction for the experience.

There is a huge database accessible to the inhabitants of this planet, called “Internet”. I sought for an explanation of the phenomenon and found a number of reports with relevant information. The phenomenon is called “love.” Supposedly, it has nothing to do with poisoning. Apparently there is no known explanation, although authors agree that – despite no role being played by substances – it is still a question of “chemistry”. From what I understand, the HF is likely to have gone through the same difficulties as I have encountered today. Her denying that this is the case should be ignored, say the texts, as it is common for HF to claim that “love” has no power on them. The effect may recede rapidly but it has been documented that it can remain just as potent for dozens of years.

Human culture apparently claims that anything done under the influence of “love” is automatically right. I find this very difficult to admit as the phenomenon, as I already said, puts you in a state very close to intoxication, with the body very feeble, and judgment very much obscured.

To be complete, I need to add that during the day, I also felt the sudden urge to build a house for the HF. Such odd effect is not mentioned in the reports I read on “love” and may not be related to the phenomenon described here.

I believed it my duty, Sir, to report on my worrying experience on planet Terra.

Galactic Explorer Joe Ryon

PS: Any letter written under the influence of “love” is supposed to be regarded as a “love letter”. I imagine that this applies therefore to the present one too.